The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck

Author:Martha Beck [Beck, Martha]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2021-04-13T00:00:00+00:00

THE HIGH PRICE OF LYING

We sometimes say that deception traps us in a “tangled web,” but Dante’s metaphor of being frozen into ice may be even more apt. Lies tend to proliferate: tell one, and we often end up needing several more to support it. The more deceitful we get, the more we feel forced into actions that uphold our stories. We can’t talk freely, can’t do things that would break the narrative, can’t relax. We begin to lose emotional connection with the people we’ve lied to. Our lives become increasingly cold, lonely, and numb. We may end up feeling completely frozen, able to see the world but not touch or feel it.

This separation from life and love makes everything seem pointless. It’s also exhausting. Hiding our crimes, acting cheerful despite hidden anguish, or lying to impress people requires a constant, sustained effort. It ties up large areas of the brain, so that all our thinking becomes foggier and slower. Lying is so hard that most animals can’t even attempt it. (The few who try don’t do it well. Koko, the famous gorilla who could communicate in sign language, once pulled a sink off the wall during a temper tantrum. When humans asked her what had happened, Koko pointed at her kitten and signed, “Cat did it.” Nice try, friend, but no cigar.)

It isn’t just our brains that struggle when we lie; our bodies weaken and falter as well. One study showed that people who present “an idealized image of themselves” had higher blood pressure and heart rates; greater hormonal reactions to stress; elevated cortisol, glucose, and cholesterol levels; and reduced immune-system functioning. Lying and keeping secrets have been linked to heart disease, certain cancers, and a host of emotional symptoms like depression, anxiety, and free-floating hostility.

Deciding not to lie can lessen such symptoms almost immediately. In one study, researchers asked a group of subjects to stop lying for ten weeks. There’s no way to tell whether they actually stopped telling any lies, but even making an effort significantly improved their physical and mental health. Those who told just three fewer lies a week reported noticeable drops in negative emotions like tension and sadness, and fewer physical symptoms such as sore throats or headaches. Their relationships benefitted as well: the participants said their personal lives were smoother and happier during the weeks they reduced their lying.

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